My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
