Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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