Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
