Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
