I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
