youre lurking in front of me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
