My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
