please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
