too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
