Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
