There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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