while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
