Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
