1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
