im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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