he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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