I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My vagina is very pro this idea
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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