alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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