His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
