I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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