its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
