just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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