i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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