his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
