to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
