K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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