Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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