So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
