I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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