scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
