i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
