That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.