We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
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She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.