Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.