Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
worst night to have a conscience
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches