rhymes with "ouble enetration"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there