The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.