So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
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Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?