i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends