Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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