No stitches, just platelets and will power
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
