it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
