I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
one might say we're banned from that church
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
