I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
