Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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