vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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