If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
