Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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