sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
