nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
