If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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