is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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