Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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