my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
