So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
