The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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