Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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