She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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