if you like me you must not know who I am
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
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