So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
