dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
