Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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