Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
