i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
