NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
