i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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