I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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