I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
