I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
