I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
