Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
