my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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