I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
