You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
