Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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