i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
