I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
