you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
