wanna go halves on a baby?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
