If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
