I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
do herpes really smell.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
