And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We're too hungover to prance.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
