The maid of honor just puked.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
