Cold hands, warm shart.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
