the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
