That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
