angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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