There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
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frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment