the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.