So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.