i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
