I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
