i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
