PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
