tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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