Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
