Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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